After awhile

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn… 

~ Veronica Shofstall, 1971 


Just one year ago, she wept in arms and made promises that she would never keep, and I built a future around a dream that could never be. While I surrender to my grief, and make peace that I will not find love again, I take comfort in the love of friends and family that surrounds me and the grace that somehow helps me to continue to hold my head up each day. Making lemonade out of a lemon-life, on my own. Or as Alanis Morissette would say, "you lose, you learn."