Stay awake!

I woke up this Holy Thursday in tears, with an overwhelming feeling of betrayal — how fitting right? Is that how Jesus felt when his well-intentioned friends slept away the night while he agonized at his fate ahead? But he knew they couldn't help themselves, they were just....weak. And I know that the people that hurt me don't mean to either...I just can't help but take certain things personally, even if they weren't intended that way. Jesus still partnered with someone who he knew would deny him again and again. I don't know if my skin is thick enough to continually face that kind of rejection — while I see that this is what we do to each other, without even knowing it. And yet, that is what we are called to do. Something to meditate on for me today.

Cave-dwelling

The past week the spiritual darkness has increased. I have gone into a cave of fear and voices that call on me to isolate myself from people and from God. Instead of resisting it, I'm leaning in to it, which may or may not be the right thing to do. I'm being gentle with my own frailty here, and staying prayerful. I know that everything happens for a reason. This too shall pass...

On a lighter note, I was able to catch the relic of St. Mary of Magdalene while it was on tour through my state. I wasn't expecting much — but was quite overcome — both by the oddity of it, the reverence of the faithful kneeling and touching the relic's case, and the sudden swelling of emotion that rose within me as I came to stand before my patron saint. After praying before her relic, both for myself and for my wounded church — particularly for the lost voices of women as we prepare to choose a new Pope this month — I stopped at the table where a woman was selling merchandise related to the saint and my eyes fell on a medal that had a fleur de lis as part of the decoration, and I knew it was meant to be.

May Mary, together with the Holy Spirit, breathe fresh air into the conclave of men in Rome who will lead a faithful flock of millions.