February 18, 2007

mercury retrograde

Mercury turned retrograde on Wednesday, Feb. 14 — St. Valentine's Day — and remains so until March 7.

Things are off kilter.

I awoke to an angry email from my ex-husband. [Yawn] But I must admit, his accusation that I didn't take my faith seriously really cut me to the quick. He's leaving our church -- a church that coddles homosexuals like me. Going to join a parish about a mile away, though he lives directly across the street from our current church. Oh, and I'm not allowed to cross the threshold of his home ever again. I am to wait in the car when I pick up our children. He is sick.

On my way to church, scheduled to be a Eucharistic Minister today. My car battery is dead. Seems I have left my lights on all night. Get a jump from my dad, who lives close by.

Off to church, angry email still burning through my thoughts. Fighting tears, standing, imagining judgement from the congregation. My trial here has just begun. Yesterday, I came out to a small group of parishoners that make up my prayer group. Received their compassionate support and even some deeply loving words — from all but one. He won't make eye contact with me and my children today.

I high-tail it out of the church, time to get the kids ready for a costume birtday party. None of the other parents speak to me -- only offer polite "hellos" and questioning glances. Have the rumors already begun? Will they be awaiting my children when they return to school on Tuesday?

I attempt to quiet the growing darkness -- scurry off to my bellydance class. I am out of step today. And I look fat compared to the college girls that take this class with me. Old and fat.

Now the kids are in bed, and I can relax. I know that all of this angst will fade by week's end. I have something to look forward to.

3 comments:

vegan.mama said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
vegan.mama said...

OK, I misspoke in my previous comment. Duh!

The people who love you don't give a damn about whether you're straight, bi, gay, or into animals (well, okay, maybe *I* would care about that last one, but only from an animal rights perspective...). The people who are giving you shit are people you don't need in your life anyhow. And you know that.

I sense another movie-dinner night in the near future... maybe But I'm a Cheerleader...? It would be perfect.

Valency said...

Wowzers... That is absolutely heart-breaking. I cannot stand judgemental people, ESPECIALLY 'religious' judgemental people... it's why I'm still afraid to go to church. And I am straight and married. STILL scary.

You are normal. They are all yuck.