McHangover ramblings

I woke up with quite a hangover after playing the Debate 2008 drinking game last night with The Nurse — we took a drink every time McCain implied he was "a maverick." So I guess I can thank McGrumpy for my McHeadache.
My apologies that I haven't been keeping you all updated on my oh-so-interesting life lately; I've been having trouble getting any thoughts down, because my brain has been somewhat overwhelmed. I know it's healthier for me (and possibly more entertaining for you) if I try to get those things out via my writings and ramblings, so I'll try to do better in the coming weeks.
I've been examining my role in the church again — trying to refocus my purpose there and get some more concrete things planned in terms of supporting women's roles in the church. I'm always fighting not to let myself get too comfortable in my pew and to keep finding opportunities to challenge myself and my church. Some exciting things are coming up on that front that I will blog extensively about when the time is right — about a month or so — so stay tuned. For now, loose lips sink ships.
I'm also mulling over a total career change. I'm trying to give it as much thought as possible but the time is coming soon to move toward action rather than just thinking about it. It's just so easy for me to live in that mess of a head of mine. Depending on how things go, I may soon find myself doing things that I never thought I would ever even consider possible. A deeply spiritual path lies before me that will call on me to muster all the strength and compassion that lies inside and look death squarely in the eye. Sounds provocative, doesn't it? I'm not going to let you all in on it just yet, because I really need to get to that point of action first. More soon, I hope. A psychic told me nearly twenty years ago that one day I might find myself on this path, and that I should follow it. We shall see....

7 years

As I sat here at my computer and looked up at the clock and saw the time, 8:11am (CT), I froze. I instantly remembered exactly where I was and what I was doing seven years ago today. I turned to the TV and flipped it on. MSNBC is re-playing the original broadcast from the Today show that I sat and watched 7 years ago today, my new 3-month old baby cradled in my arms. I dreaded whether I should get in my car and pick up my four-year-old from pre-school as I desperately tried to reach my husband who was in class, using his work beeper. And the tears have started to stream again — because I know what comes next in this broadcast. I know that if I continue to watch, I will see the towers fall. I gasp and cover my face this morning as I remember that soon I will see trapped people jumping to their death, rather than be taken by the smoke and flames. Do I dare to continue reliving 9/11 this morning, flooding my brain with the painful images of that day — images burned into my brain for all time yet softened by the slipping years?
•••
My brain speeds forward, through all the events of that day, and all that has happened as a result in the past seven years. I remember our lip-biting president sitting in a Florida classroom as he is told, looking terrified and not at all in control. And the years of war to come — the lies, the lives lost, the politics of it all. The eerily silent skies that would linger for days. My baby is seven years old now, and her future is still uncertain — still because of all that happened seven years ago today. I don't want to get into all the politics today, I just want to remember and feel and grieve again. My prayers are the living and the dead today. Any more words fail me today.

Busted: Religious while Lesbian

This morning, I'm reacting to a rant posted on MySpace, which mocked religious people (specifically, Christians) and was written as a clarion call to the gay community. The rant painted our current political choice as "the lesser of two evils" and claimed that Obama was "just like the rest," in his lack of support for Gay marriage. He was cast as a "bible-believing, heterosexual male," and therefore not a friend of the gay community. But let's be clear, it is McCain/Palin who are actively campaigning against gay marriage and equality — and have a clear record on those issues.

But as I read it, I was keenly aware that it represents a certain widespread view in our community — that being religious while gay is an act of self-hatred. I am no stranger to that accusation, as a practicing Catholic. Certainly, the Catholic Church is defined by patriarchy and has come out strongly against gay marriage — but anyone who is a practicing Catholic knows that there is no limit to nonsensical dogma that gets disposed of by the people in the pews. The list is long there, and generally speaking, The Faithful have reconciled that Rome doesn't know what it is talking about when it comes to sex or womankind. But that has nothing to do with my relationship to God, my love of the Mass, and the values of Catholic Social Teaching that I hold dear; and so I work from the inside to create change, and I am not alone.

It weakens my resolve to know that I have to divest some of that energy and redirect it back toward my own community — who really needs to understand that we really are everywhere — even in the church pews.

Inspired

I was so flattered this morning when I got an email from my best friend that included this poem that my Beachcombing post inspired. Can I just say that I have the most amazingly talented friends?

Transformation to Treasure

Her faith leads her to the water's edge
Where she carefully scans the sands
And collects the scattered beach glass
To cup within her hands.

She fingers the once-sharp edges
Softened now by sea and shore,
Having endured tumultuous tumbling,
Battered down to their core.

She gathers them to her faithfully,
For she sees within her soul
This transformation from broken bits
Into treasure, again made whole.

Lisalit