April 01, 2013
I found myself obsessing so much about my dietary needs, it was actually more difficult to focus on my spiritual needs this Lent. The physical became the prime focus, particularly as my energy became seriously spotty and my iron levels dropped. As I got that more under control with supplementation, I was able to focus more on prayer. I finally felt connected and by the end of Lent, like I had achieved my prayer goals and received good confirmation from God that I was on the right track and in a good place.
There was stumbling along the way, which is good. Learning opportunities. I can get so caught up in own emotional pain that I miss the bigger picture. Or worse, that I start to sabotage the good around me. Progress is made when you see your own natural disposition to make these unhealthy choices and make different ones. Practice gratitude. Honor the ordinary and see it for the beautiful thing that it is, and allow yourself to experience joy and love.
I am absolutely immersed in love, and my gratitude for it overwhelms me, daily. I only wish I could find a voice, find words to properly reflect my joy. It's the kind of love that leaves me speechless. I can only breathe it in and out and just...surrender to it and reflect it as best as I can...but oh how I want to talk about it! Maybe there is the tiniest bit of fear that if I talk about it too much, well....
Maybe I am just so happy that I need to keep it just a little bit of a secret lest something happen to take that away.
The love and the joy in my life has always been a fleeting thing. I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm starting to dream the loveliest dream into reality, so please, don't wake me.