A good friend asked me yesterday about my once published "list of standards." I had to dig through the archive to find them, but re-reading them was cathartic. As I first wrote, this list may seem like a no-brainer for many, but I continue to struggle with a few items. I'm happy to say that that in the past few years, I've overcome a few key trouble spots on this list.
If your relationship falls within the "unhealthy" column, it may be time for a change.
In a healthy relationship, you:
• Treat each other with respect
• Feel secure and comfortable
• Are not violent with each other
• Can resolve conflicts satisfactorily
• Enjoy the time you spend together
• Support one another
• Take interest in one another's lives: health, family, work, etc.
• Have privacy in the relationship
• Can trust each other
• Are each sexual by choice
• Communicate clearly and openly
• Have letters, phone calls, and e-mail that are your own
• Make healthy decisions about alcohol or other drugs
• Encourage other friendships
• Are honest about your past and present sexual activity if the relationship is intimate
• Know that most people in your life are happy about the relationship
• Have more good times in the relationship than bad
In an unhealthy relationship, one or both of you:
• Try to control or manipulate the other
• Make the other feel bad about her-/himself
• Ridicule or call names
• Dictate how the other dresses
• Do not make time for each other
• Criticize the other's friends
• Are afraid of the other's temper
• Discourage the other from being close with anyone else
• Ignore each other when one is speaking
• Are overly possessive or get jealous about ordinary behavior
• Criticize or support others in criticizing people with your gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, disability, or other personal attribute
• Control the other's money or other resources (e.g., car)
• Harm or threaten to harm children, family, pets, or objects of personal value
• Push, grab, hit, punch, or throw objects
• Use physical force or threats to prevent the other from leaving
May 11, 2011
March 21, 2011
The Obstruction
In times of great transition, I often turn to the I Ching, a tradition passed down to me by my father. I bought my own Book of Changes in my early 20's and have logged each and every roll of the coins that has been done since, even for my friends. When you roll the coins, you usually end up with two numbers, your main number which gives you the passage to look up which describes the heart of your situation, and the changing lines number, which shows one possible future. It's amazing to look through the history of my "logs" and cross-reference whether a particular number has ever come up before, and to note the date, and recall what might have been going on in my life at that particular time.
This past 6 months has been one of the most difficult stretches of my life, and I'm more than a little ashamed to say, that I didn't weather the storms like a strong oak, rooted in the strength that many perceive that I possess. Instead, I bent and broke and spiraled into a very dark place a more than a few moments of true life or death crisis. Thankfully, I was able to get help, and am here to today to write about it, and to somehow forgive myself (hopefully) for not having the fortitude that I should.
When I found myself turning to the I Ching last September, as everything in my life seemed to be crashing down around me, I rolled a 39 with no changing lines, which represents a fixed situation. This hexagram is called Obstruction, and is represented by "a dangerous abyss lying before us, and a steep inaccessible mountain rising behind us. We are surrounded by obstacles." As I read further, it was clear that I had many personal obstacles that I needed to focus on overcoming. Because the obstacles are represented by things that do not move (a mountain and an abyss), a hint lies in how to overcome these obstacles. Change and movement are necessary. One must travel around the obstacles.
Some time passed, I had broken up with The Nurse in October, moved out of our shared apartment, gotten into therapy, and set about trying to conquer my inner obstacles. But as I took two steps forward, I took one step back. Healthy boundaries remained an issue in my relationships. I was still not rooted, the next storm would surely blow me away. In January, I turned to the I Ching again, and to my shock, I rolled a 39 again.
I scanned the log — this had never happened before, two exact rolls in sequence. "The Obstruction" remained.
Would I ever get around the mountain that lay before me? Cross the abyss? Did I even have the courage to try? I knew that I had to start being true to myself, to have the courage to let go and to start over again. That I am worthy of love, of family, of belonging. That someone will understand me. And that I am strong enough to stand on my own, and be a "strong oak."
On March 5, I turned again to the I Ching, and at last, I had a new passage, this time with changing lines. The first passage was 15, Modesty, which speaks of the qualities of inner strength and how that shines forth in people of strong character. The changing lines was 31, Wooing and speaks of attraction and the difference between seduction and courtship -- something that struck me as particularly poignant. I was longing for what I had lost: love, partnership, family.
The only words I can think of to close this blog are the lyrics of, Amazing Grace,....was lost, but now I'm found, was blind but now I see.....
This past 6 months has been one of the most difficult stretches of my life, and I'm more than a little ashamed to say, that I didn't weather the storms like a strong oak, rooted in the strength that many perceive that I possess. Instead, I bent and broke and spiraled into a very dark place a more than a few moments of true life or death crisis. Thankfully, I was able to get help, and am here to today to write about it, and to somehow forgive myself (hopefully) for not having the fortitude that I should.
When I found myself turning to the I Ching last September, as everything in my life seemed to be crashing down around me, I rolled a 39 with no changing lines, which represents a fixed situation. This hexagram is called Obstruction, and is represented by "a dangerous abyss lying before us, and a steep inaccessible mountain rising behind us. We are surrounded by obstacles." As I read further, it was clear that I had many personal obstacles that I needed to focus on overcoming. Because the obstacles are represented by things that do not move (a mountain and an abyss), a hint lies in how to overcome these obstacles. Change and movement are necessary. One must travel around the obstacles.
Some time passed, I had broken up with The Nurse in October, moved out of our shared apartment, gotten into therapy, and set about trying to conquer my inner obstacles. But as I took two steps forward, I took one step back. Healthy boundaries remained an issue in my relationships. I was still not rooted, the next storm would surely blow me away. In January, I turned to the I Ching again, and to my shock, I rolled a 39 again.
I scanned the log — this had never happened before, two exact rolls in sequence. "The Obstruction" remained.
Would I ever get around the mountain that lay before me? Cross the abyss? Did I even have the courage to try? I knew that I had to start being true to myself, to have the courage to let go and to start over again. That I am worthy of love, of family, of belonging. That someone will understand me. And that I am strong enough to stand on my own, and be a "strong oak."
On March 5, I turned again to the I Ching, and at last, I had a new passage, this time with changing lines. The first passage was 15, Modesty, which speaks of the qualities of inner strength and how that shines forth in people of strong character. The changing lines was 31, Wooing and speaks of attraction and the difference between seduction and courtship -- something that struck me as particularly poignant. I was longing for what I had lost: love, partnership, family.
The only words I can think of to close this blog are the lyrics of, Amazing Grace,....was lost, but now I'm found, was blind but now I see.....
January 21, 2011
How To Be Alone
Happy Friday everyone! It's bitter cold in Chicago and hibernation seems to be on my mind. I've found myself spending more and more time alone — something I've resisted fiercely as a natural extrovert, but am now learning to lean into, if not embrace. And I simply adore this video. It may even help me turn me into a reformed extrovert. Or an introvert? Enjoy!
January 20, 2011
Spirit clock
Spiritual lessons come in their own time. Hard lessons and hard-fought battles, internal an external, cannot be rushed through. So has been the course of my life at it's greatest times of transition and growth. Like a great wheel, the spirit clock moves slowly but carefully, forcing me to feel things I'd rather not, forcing me to into darkness and painful places that need examining and reexamining. The spirit clock winds around familiar bends, familiar sorrows that also remind me of how I survived, how the paths were once made clear. Bitterness tempts me, but hope prevails.
Remembering, first, while so much growth is internal — must be felt so deeply and personally — I am never alone. There are other along my way that who will share bits of compassion and who will challenge me further and who will push me to choose what stays and what goes. Growth does not come with out letting go of so many things — death is the door we cannot avoid but must embrace if we are to find new life.
I see with new but familiar eyes, where the clock now rests. With an open heart, I re-ask the questions and re-pray prayers I thought were once answered, with a faith undeterred. Love is everywhere.
May 28, 2010
Legacy
Dear Cardinal George,
While you may be intent on punishing women who are called to the priesthood — do you realize that our little church in Chicago has had more women ordained than from any other Catholic church in the world?
This is the legacy, Cardinal George, that you are faced with — the chickens coming home to roost if you will. The Lord does work in mysterious ways! When you ordered Delle Chatman to stop talking about being called to ordination, and when the healthcare of a woman dying of cancer — that the Spirit would catch fire in our little church! Can you believe that little St. Gertrude's parish in Chicago has had so many women called? That we are surrounded in holiness? It's truly amazing to be a part of, to witness!
After Katy Zastick, Alta Jacko and Barbara Zeman were ordained through Roman Catholic Womenpriests, you knew you had to make an example of Janine Denomme — by denying her a funeral Mass. I mean, FOUR women called to ordination in a year — what if the POPE finds out what's going on at St. Gertrude's! Heads would surely roll!
But what can you do? I mean, the facts are the facts — the Spirit has got hold of the women of St. Gertrude's — and is having Her way with them! And not even the Pope can stop that....
May 18, 2010
The Cornerstone
The stone which the builders rejected has become the cornerstone. Psalms 118:22
I awoke with a gasp this morning. It has less than 24 hours since learning of the death of my dear friend Janine Denomme, but I was startled to hear her story on NPR as my alarm clock went off this morning. Since learning last week about our church's refusal to grant her a proper Mass of the Resurrection, due to her ordination into the Catholic priesthood last month — I have had to put my anger aside to grieve for my ailing friend, and to honor her wishes that her funeral not become a political rally. But now that the story is out there, I feel that it is okay to write about it in a public forum.
To be clear, I do not blame our parish priest at St. Gertrude. He has been clearly anguished by the decision of the hierarchy — the turning away from all the Christ asks of us, the refusal to show mercy or kindness to a dying woman who has been an exemplary Christian. Fr. Dom is a kind and loving priest, and my heart truly aches for him as well.
Our church buries criminals, pedophiles, all manner of sinners — and we count on God to do the judging. Unless you're a woman who has faced down the all-boys club. That simply cannot be tolerated! You must pay!
The sad part here is, there is really nothing they can do to "punish" Janine, because they cannot lay claim to the "church," only the walls that they own, and the male priest that they can order about. Janine will, in fact, have a Mass of the Resurrection. And it will, in fact, be full of her "church." Janine will remain a priest in the kingdom of God for eternity.
Janine was keenly aware of her choice — and all the possibilities and consequences of civil disobedience. It is activism like this — and sometimes it's painful consequences (for all of us) that brings about change. I admire Janine so much for her lifelong commitment and amazing bravery and courage in the face of such obstacles. As Archbishop Oscar Romero once said, "we are workers, not master builders. We are prophets of future not our own." Janine knew that change, particularly in a structure as archaic as our church, would come slowly — yet she persisted. Janine could not not be Catholic!
And here's the thing: We're not leaving Our Church! So listen up, Cardinal George! We'll be banging on you're door soon about this atrocity. Bishop Kane — don't think you're getting off the hook on this one — you're cruelty will not be forgotten or go unanswered by THIS Catholic girl! You've got some 'splainin to do! And after we lay our dear friend to rest, you can expect to be hearing from me and others. Count on it.
March 29, 2010
Holy Week -- the unchanging circle?
We're at the beginning of Holy Week, and I'm asking myself, what has changed?
Maureen Dowd's OpEd has some interesting ideas about the sex scandals that continue to rock the church.
I am once again gearing up to attend an Ordination. Mum's the word on that for now.
Oh, my 20-year high school reunion is next month! Thanks to good Irish genes, I still look 28.
I got a new puppy! The Nurse and I rescued a pup from a shelter on Palm Sunday. We're naming her Olive, and we're getting busy with falling in love. And house-breaking, of course.
And, finally, we're moving out of one apartment and into another on Holy Saturday -- all signs that point to Spring, and new life, and adventure on the horizon. Oh, and puppy slobber.
Maureen Dowd's OpEd has some interesting ideas about the sex scandals that continue to rock the church.
I am once again gearing up to attend an Ordination. Mum's the word on that for now.
Oh, my 20-year high school reunion is next month! Thanks to good Irish genes, I still look 28.
I got a new puppy! The Nurse and I rescued a pup from a shelter on Palm Sunday. We're naming her Olive, and we're getting busy with falling in love. And house-breaking, of course.
And, finally, we're moving out of one apartment and into another on Holy Saturday -- all signs that point to Spring, and new life, and adventure on the horizon. Oh, and puppy slobber.
October 26, 2009
Open letter to Conservative Anglicans looking to convert to Roman Catholicism
Dear Conservative Anglicans considering the Catholic Church,
I'm sure you've received the invitation from our Pope to join up with the Catholic Church by now. I hear things have been getting a little "nutty" over with the Episcopalians these days. First women priests and bishops, then an openly gay bishop. Clearly these moves have created quite a bit of controversy in your church and have offended your conservative sensibilities. But before you take Benedict up on his offer, there are some things I think you should know about us Catholics.
While it's true that the Catholic Church has been pretty clear about several of the issues that are of concern to you, things might actually not be as cut-and-dry as you are hoping. Sure, we aren't allowed to have women priests, and we don't bless gay marriages or allow openly-gay people to serve as clergy (or receive communion for that matter), but I think that you should be aware of another long-standing Catholic tradition: ignoring Rome.
U.S. Catholics have been ignoring Rome for a long time on a whole host of issues, like birth-control and abortion. And in our local parishes, we've been breaking all kinds of rules: forming gay catholic groups (who even serve as Eucharistic ministers at Sunday Mass), and letting women speak from the altar, most notably. We even have splinter groups that ordain women. So, you see, if you're looking for a safe haven for your conservative sensibilities, you may not get what you're hoping for in the Catholic Church. Many of us are "reform minded" too. Benedict may not be particularly keen on being ignored though, which is why he's started some investigations into our American nuns and extended that invitation to you all — hoping to stem the tide of "liberal" ideas in our own church. Besides, I'm guessing you might feel a little bit insulted by Benedict's efforts to have you "swim the Tiber" in order to poach both your soul and your pocketbook. So, you see, we are nearly as rife with the same controversies and liberal/conservative battles that you might be hoping to opt out of.
I'd really consider toughing it out with your fellow Episcopalians/Anglicans if I were you; the grass really isn't greener or more conservative on the local parish level in the Catholic Church. Seriously.
Respectfully,
Anima Sola
I'm sure you've received the invitation from our Pope to join up with the Catholic Church by now. I hear things have been getting a little "nutty" over with the Episcopalians these days. First women priests and bishops, then an openly gay bishop. Clearly these moves have created quite a bit of controversy in your church and have offended your conservative sensibilities. But before you take Benedict up on his offer, there are some things I think you should know about us Catholics.
While it's true that the Catholic Church has been pretty clear about several of the issues that are of concern to you, things might actually not be as cut-and-dry as you are hoping. Sure, we aren't allowed to have women priests, and we don't bless gay marriages or allow openly-gay people to serve as clergy (or receive communion for that matter), but I think that you should be aware of another long-standing Catholic tradition: ignoring Rome.
U.S. Catholics have been ignoring Rome for a long time on a whole host of issues, like birth-control and abortion. And in our local parishes, we've been breaking all kinds of rules: forming gay catholic groups (who even serve as Eucharistic ministers at Sunday Mass), and letting women speak from the altar, most notably. We even have splinter groups that ordain women. So, you see, if you're looking for a safe haven for your conservative sensibilities, you may not get what you're hoping for in the Catholic Church. Many of us are "reform minded" too. Benedict may not be particularly keen on being ignored though, which is why he's started some investigations into our American nuns and extended that invitation to you all — hoping to stem the tide of "liberal" ideas in our own church. Besides, I'm guessing you might feel a little bit insulted by Benedict's efforts to have you "swim the Tiber" in order to poach both your soul and your pocketbook. So, you see, we are nearly as rife with the same controversies and liberal/conservative battles that you might be hoping to opt out of.
I'd really consider toughing it out with your fellow Episcopalians/Anglicans if I were you; the grass really isn't greener or more conservative on the local parish level in the Catholic Church. Seriously.
Respectfully,
Anima Sola
October 16, 2009
Slowly I turn...
I just deleted a very LONG blog about my "Las Vegas baggage," realizing that the details are all far too personal to share in this forum. But needless to say, "Las Vegas" has become my "Niagra Falls." Just mention it and I'm angry, edgy and combative. Acknowledging that this is all mostly irrational (and part unfortunate past experiences) is (hopefully) half the battle, and one day, I hope to truly let it all go.
July 14, 2009
A work in progress
It's been a busy summer and I've found that spending time outdoors really helps me to cope with the stresses of life. I think it's been a tough time for most people we know (at least financially), but we're used to rolling with the punches around here. The kids are going to summer camp(s) and eating a lot of ice cream. Big M toyed briefly with becoming a vegetarian, but succumbed to the lure of Chicago hot dogs.
I found a few more Anima Sola references recently: first, the production company for the HBO series 'Big Love'shares the name; and second, I was watching this show i stumbled upon called 'Saving Grace' and the character has a door in her bedroom painted with anima sola. As in the movie Gothika, this seems to link up with a past history of sexual abuse.
Tonight I hope to meet up with my GLOS group and get some prayers focused toward one of our members that is battling cancer right now.
As for me, I've been working on my health and overall wellness, working hard and enjoying the sun when I can. I hope to acquire a custom hula hoop soon as trade I did with a friend for a logo design. In less than 2 weeks, The Nurse will graduate Nursing School. After she passes her boards, I'm sure we'll plan some sort of party. We're all excited to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel!
I found a few more Anima Sola references recently: first, the production company for the HBO series 'Big Love'shares the name; and second, I was watching this show i stumbled upon called 'Saving Grace' and the character has a door in her bedroom painted with anima sola. As in the movie Gothika, this seems to link up with a past history of sexual abuse.
Tonight I hope to meet up with my GLOS group and get some prayers focused toward one of our members that is battling cancer right now.
As for me, I've been working on my health and overall wellness, working hard and enjoying the sun when I can. I hope to acquire a custom hula hoop soon as trade I did with a friend for a logo design. In less than 2 weeks, The Nurse will graduate Nursing School. After she passes her boards, I'm sure we'll plan some sort of party. We're all excited to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel!
June 05, 2009
Irked
Doesn't it always seem that when life gets a bit more stressful, little annoying things seem to get magnified? Here's just a couple (yep, just two) of "annoyances" that have irked me lately:
1. Judge Sonia Sotomayor being criticized as potentially "too compassionate" and "emotional" or, conversely, as too "agressive, outspoken, and controlling." Of course, those are the standard "criticisms" of womankind going back as far as one cares to. You're either a bitch-with-a-capital-B or a weak and emotional crying mess who can't be given the authority to make important decisions. Grrrrrr.
2. Suburban straight-girl college culture. Admittedly, I know little of this from personal experience, but I've glimpsed a world through the eyes and stories of The Nurse that at once made me shudder, and be thankful that I attended art school in the big city. Apparently, gay-bashing and homophobia is alive and well at suburban colleges -- even in programs where the average age skews a bit higher. Twenty-six-year-old women routinely shun lesbian students for group projects, make obscene homophobic comments, and fear being called "lesbian" if they are too friendly with gay students. Do straight women generally harbor a paranoia that lesbian women are hitting on them if they are simply "nice"? Or that you will be considered gay-by-association?
My co-workers are all in the same age range (and 95% women), with The Nurse's classmates, and I have never yet experienced this phenomenon, so I have to blame the suburbs. I know other women — even straight girls who were "mistaken" for gay (short hair and tattoos perhaps? not enough pink?) — who have been accosted by total strangers. So I'm stayin in the city. Humpf.
1. Judge Sonia Sotomayor being criticized as potentially "too compassionate" and "emotional" or, conversely, as too "agressive, outspoken, and controlling." Of course, those are the standard "criticisms" of womankind going back as far as one cares to. You're either a bitch-with-a-capital-B or a weak and emotional crying mess who can't be given the authority to make important decisions. Grrrrrr.
2. Suburban straight-girl college culture. Admittedly, I know little of this from personal experience, but I've glimpsed a world through the eyes and stories of The Nurse that at once made me shudder, and be thankful that I attended art school in the big city. Apparently, gay-bashing and homophobia is alive and well at suburban colleges -- even in programs where the average age skews a bit higher. Twenty-six-year-old women routinely shun lesbian students for group projects, make obscene homophobic comments, and fear being called "lesbian" if they are too friendly with gay students. Do straight women generally harbor a paranoia that lesbian women are hitting on them if they are simply "nice"? Or that you will be considered gay-by-association?
My co-workers are all in the same age range (and 95% women), with The Nurse's classmates, and I have never yet experienced this phenomenon, so I have to blame the suburbs. I know other women — even straight girls who were "mistaken" for gay (short hair and tattoos perhaps? not enough pink?) — who have been accosted by total strangers. So I'm stayin in the city. Humpf.
May 27, 2009
waterfalls
"Life sure is a humdinger." That's what Delle used to say, quoting her wise auntie. The Nurse is in, well, nurse mode, but it's just a completely different thing when it's family. No machine. Waterfalls of tears. And reserves of strength you didn't know you had. Ah, I'd do just about anything to make it all better — but the simple truth is that I've got no control. None of us really do. I've got a shoulder to cry on and a lap to fall asleep on for an hour or so. And a whole lot of love for The Nurse and her family. I continue to be amazed to witness what the human soul can bear. Be kind to each other today.
May 19, 2009
Valleygirl
On my usual route getting the kids to the bus stop and then down the block to catch my train to work yesterday morning, I spied a yard full of hundreds of lilly of the valley which stopped me in my tracks. I just couldn't resist, so after looking around quickly, I crouched down and started picking them. Just a small handful to carry along to work with me. Ah, they are one of my favorite flowers, rivaled only by fellow May-bloomers, the lilac. The urban valley I live in — created thousands of years ago by Lake Michigan and melting glaciers — is the perfect habitat for these shade-loving beauties. Their sweet smell and dainty bell-shaped perfection made the walk down the used-condom strewn street a little more bearable. Take some time to smell the flowers today.
May 14, 2009
Life goes on....
Well hello there Anima Sola readers! It's been well over a month since I've posted anything, so I'll try to do a little update here of things that have been preoccupying me. I've thought about writing a few times, but as I so often do, I write it in my head and don't always manage to get to the keyboard. Anyway....Spring has finally sprung in Chicago and it's a glorious day — at least 70 today I'd say, with plenty of sunshine.
I'm getting into the groove at my new job; I had my "90-day Review" on Monday of this week and it was actually refreshing to hear some constructive criticism as well as praise. Overall, it was very positive and I was told what a good job I'm doing. After my review, I cleaned out the "job search" email folder that I'd been hanging on to — with well over 200 emails stored of jobs I'd applied for. A nice little cleanse.
Of course, becoming gainfully employed has not made each and every hurdle in life vanish — stumbling blocks and challenges are still a regular appearance. I have accepted that this is simply the nature of life. We are not in control, just along for the ride. We try to roll with the punches: stress, money woes, illness, death. And try to look around and see who is there with us as we face the darker moments. These are the people who matter. Live a good life and I believe you'll find lots of these people in your corner.
One of my latest guilty pleasures is Facebook. I've had fun reconnecting with long lost friends and keeping better tabs on people that I don't usually have daily contact with. The brief "status updates" are nice little check-ins with people who might otherwise slip through the cracks on most days.
This Saturday, Little M and J are making their First Communion, which we are all looking forward to. And this past Easter, The Nurse was initiated into the Catholic Church. It still sounds crazy to say that, because a part of me wonders how anyone can rationalize joining our crazy church, but then I realize that our community at St. G's is pretty darn special and unusual. There is an abundance of light there that really pulls people in. Perhaps it's greatest gift is that so many of the parishoners are deep thinkers who really have done the theological study and spiritual house-cleaning to be able to be Catholic on a local level, while resisting Catholic nonsense from the hierarchy. Anyway, The Nurse and I have really deepened our relationship by connecting spiritually and sharing a faith path, which means so much to me.
OK, this is getting a bit long, but I'll try to check in more often and write again about more topical stuff. I can't believe it's already mid-May and I'll be (choke, choke) 37 next week! How on Earth did this happen?
I'm getting into the groove at my new job; I had my "90-day Review" on Monday of this week and it was actually refreshing to hear some constructive criticism as well as praise. Overall, it was very positive and I was told what a good job I'm doing. After my review, I cleaned out the "job search" email folder that I'd been hanging on to — with well over 200 emails stored of jobs I'd applied for. A nice little cleanse.
Of course, becoming gainfully employed has not made each and every hurdle in life vanish — stumbling blocks and challenges are still a regular appearance. I have accepted that this is simply the nature of life. We are not in control, just along for the ride. We try to roll with the punches: stress, money woes, illness, death. And try to look around and see who is there with us as we face the darker moments. These are the people who matter. Live a good life and I believe you'll find lots of these people in your corner.
One of my latest guilty pleasures is Facebook. I've had fun reconnecting with long lost friends and keeping better tabs on people that I don't usually have daily contact with. The brief "status updates" are nice little check-ins with people who might otherwise slip through the cracks on most days.
This Saturday, Little M and J are making their First Communion, which we are all looking forward to. And this past Easter, The Nurse was initiated into the Catholic Church. It still sounds crazy to say that, because a part of me wonders how anyone can rationalize joining our crazy church, but then I realize that our community at St. G's is pretty darn special and unusual. There is an abundance of light there that really pulls people in. Perhaps it's greatest gift is that so many of the parishoners are deep thinkers who really have done the theological study and spiritual house-cleaning to be able to be Catholic on a local level, while resisting Catholic nonsense from the hierarchy. Anyway, The Nurse and I have really deepened our relationship by connecting spiritually and sharing a faith path, which means so much to me.
OK, this is getting a bit long, but I'll try to check in more often and write again about more topical stuff. I can't believe it's already mid-May and I'll be (choke, choke) 37 next week! How on Earth did this happen?
April 06, 2009
Discordant
Lent is coming to an end, but winter won't release her grasp from Chicago. The wind is still howling and the snow is still falling around here. Surely, that has something to do with my rotten mood today. That and the fact that I've been suffering from vertigo for two weeks now. This weekend, I suffered from the worst migraine I've had in about a decade. The pain still lingers and combined with lack of sleep and vertigo -- I'm a mess this Monday morning.
Spring promised to renew us, but she hasn't arrived just yet, so I'm desperately trying to make it through this latest round of choking winter and illness. Today feels a little hopeless, but that could just be the pain talking.
This Lent, I did manage to accomplish some things on a personal and spiritual level: I quit smoking. There has been a small amount of backsliding, but overall, I feel that I can confidently say that I have QUIT. Smoking ties in with a lot of old relationship baggage for me, so I'm happy to take a first step in putting those things to rest. Of course now I'm left looking for another coping mechanism and I really haven't found it yet, though chocolate has been the tempting choice. Why can't it be exercise?
Today is the anniversary of my first date with The Nurse. We had a lovely little date last night, thanks to a friend who surprised us with last minute tickets to The Goodman to see Magnolia. Very nice. The kids are still driving us both crazy, our schedules are still overwhelming and we still haven't figured out exactly how to keep the fires burning, but we're trying. Sometimes that's easy and sometimes that's hard. I guess that's just life.
Spring promised to renew us, but she hasn't arrived just yet, so I'm desperately trying to make it through this latest round of choking winter and illness. Today feels a little hopeless, but that could just be the pain talking.
This Lent, I did manage to accomplish some things on a personal and spiritual level: I quit smoking. There has been a small amount of backsliding, but overall, I feel that I can confidently say that I have QUIT. Smoking ties in with a lot of old relationship baggage for me, so I'm happy to take a first step in putting those things to rest. Of course now I'm left looking for another coping mechanism and I really haven't found it yet, though chocolate has been the tempting choice. Why can't it be exercise?
Today is the anniversary of my first date with The Nurse. We had a lovely little date last night, thanks to a friend who surprised us with last minute tickets to The Goodman to see Magnolia. Very nice. The kids are still driving us both crazy, our schedules are still overwhelming and we still haven't figured out exactly how to keep the fires burning, but we're trying. Sometimes that's easy and sometimes that's hard. I guess that's just life.
February 16, 2009
Her voice
I've been keeping a running list in my head of things to write about but the time has escaped me lately, but even more so, I'm having my usual trouble in deciding what to write about first. As this blog was meant to focus primarily on religion and patriarchy and how my little corner of the Catholic Church was fighting it, I guess I need to keep my focus there because there is a lot to write about.
Seven years ago when I found the renegade Catholic parish that I am a member of, I was delighted to find a spiritual home that embraced so many of my needs — in particular a parish that had a lay preaching team which allowed women to share their wisdom from the pulpit. I had spent many years trying to heal the wounds that I believe exist for most Catholic women — marginalized and silenced for centuries. I followed the voice of the Goddess and found power and strength in circles of women who honored ancient ways. But I always longed for the Mass and for community. I was blessed to find it in the midst of so many other who heard Her voice.
But now, the voices of women have again been silenced. Our parish received an order from our local Bishop that lay-preaching was to stop immediately. Rather than resist that order and face various punishments, our Pastor has acquiesced. We've had a couple of meetings to discus our feelings and agree on some sort of response, but right now I can't help but feel tremendously let down. The old wound is again ripped open and salted.
As our parish meets to figure out a response, I am figuring out how I personally must respond. In addition to declining to write a check for the Annual Catholic Appeal (I submitted a protest note in my envelope instead), I'm thinking again of my small circles of women and the old ways. I have always walked the line between Christianity and Paganism quite well, sometimes more on one side than the other, and I wonder if another shift is on the brink for me. I won't give up my community, but I can't give up the spiritual wisdom that only women can offer each other. For now, I am patiently listening for Her voice....and I know the way will be revealed to me.
Seven years ago when I found the renegade Catholic parish that I am a member of, I was delighted to find a spiritual home that embraced so many of my needs — in particular a parish that had a lay preaching team which allowed women to share their wisdom from the pulpit. I had spent many years trying to heal the wounds that I believe exist for most Catholic women — marginalized and silenced for centuries. I followed the voice of the Goddess and found power and strength in circles of women who honored ancient ways. But I always longed for the Mass and for community. I was blessed to find it in the midst of so many other who heard Her voice.
But now, the voices of women have again been silenced. Our parish received an order from our local Bishop that lay-preaching was to stop immediately. Rather than resist that order and face various punishments, our Pastor has acquiesced. We've had a couple of meetings to discus our feelings and agree on some sort of response, but right now I can't help but feel tremendously let down. The old wound is again ripped open and salted.
As our parish meets to figure out a response, I am figuring out how I personally must respond. In addition to declining to write a check for the Annual Catholic Appeal (I submitted a protest note in my envelope instead), I'm thinking again of my small circles of women and the old ways. I have always walked the line between Christianity and Paganism quite well, sometimes more on one side than the other, and I wonder if another shift is on the brink for me. I won't give up my community, but I can't give up the spiritual wisdom that only women can offer each other. For now, I am patiently listening for Her voice....and I know the way will be revealed to me.
January 21, 2009
A very auspicious day
Have you ever had one of those days where everything just seems to unfold perfectly? I think I will always remember the events of Janurary 20, 2009: After I got the kids off to school, I joined them at the 9am Inauguration Mass to drop off juice boxes for the 2nd grade's "Ball in the Hall." Little J read in church and was as hammy as ever. On my way home from Mass, I got The Phone Call. The One I've been waiting for for just over a year. The company I had interviewed with the day before was calling to offer me a position! I was absolutely giddy. I originally applied and interviewed with them last Spring, but when three new positions opened up, I jumped to the top of their list. So after a very long struggle, my daunting journey through unemployment is finally over. I hope that this is a chapter in my life I will never have to live again. The best parts? This job is in my field, doing exactly what I want to be doing, has growth potential, is only a ten minute commute from my house, and pays a good deal more than my last job. LIFE IS GOOD. But wait, the day had just begun! It seemed like forever (5 phone calls and a text message) before I was able to share this long-awaited news with The Nurse, but we finally connected and I was delighted that she could share the joy with me and feel the lifting of this heavy burden. I made it home to watch the Inauguration ceremony -- and found myself more moved by the music of Yo Yo Ma, Itzhak Perleman, Anthony McGill & Gabriela Montero and Elizabeth Alexander's Praise Song for the Day, than I was by Obama's speech. Nevertheless, during the speech, the weight of the day — my own and the unique moment in time that our country was experiencing — finally caught up with me and I wept. I sobbed.
Next, I was off to the spa, which was offering use of the facilities for free in honor of the day. I met up with three great girl friends and we celebrated and soaked away the last eight toxic years. By the time I left, it was time to pick the girls up from school and share my good news. I was met by cheers and visible relief — the seriousness of our financial predicament had not been lost on them. After homework was completed and The Nurse was home from work, we were off to celebrate at our favorite little Italian restaurant. After delicious food and a nice bottle of wine, I was off to my church's GLOS group meeting for some reflecting. I was surprised when I was greeted with a bouquet of flowers to celebrate my new job. Today I feel very grateful for the support of my friends and family who have kept me in their thoughts these long months. Let's celebrate!
Next, I was off to the spa, which was offering use of the facilities for free in honor of the day. I met up with three great girl friends and we celebrated and soaked away the last eight toxic years. By the time I left, it was time to pick the girls up from school and share my good news. I was met by cheers and visible relief — the seriousness of our financial predicament had not been lost on them. After homework was completed and The Nurse was home from work, we were off to celebrate at our favorite little Italian restaurant. After delicious food and a nice bottle of wine, I was off to my church's GLOS group meeting for some reflecting. I was surprised when I was greeted with a bouquet of flowers to celebrate my new job. Today I feel very grateful for the support of my friends and family who have kept me in their thoughts these long months. Let's celebrate!
January 19, 2009
At long last!
Can you believe that the Bush presidency has finally come to an end? Just one more day. Tears were shed when he became our president eight years ago, but I never could have imagined in my wildest dreams (nightmares?) how bad it could get. Illegal war. Mission Accomplished. Abu-Ghraib. Katrina. Two right-wing supreme court justices. Economic collapse. These are just a few of the Bush Administration failures. This man has taken America from being the envy of the world to the shame of the world. I feel totally shell-shocked after the last eight years and can't wait for the brighter days ahead. Let's hope that the worst if finally behind us, or at least keeps itself to Texas from now on.
January 13, 2009
10 things on my mind
Ten things on my mind today:
1. "healthy selfishness"
2. National Body Challenge
3. Bishop Gene Robinson asked to give prayer at Inaugural event
4. The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success -- particulary the Law of Detachment
5. my tween's slumber party this weekend
6. daily exercise
7. setting reachable goals
8. personal boundaries
9. what I want on my tombstone
10. gratitude
1. "healthy selfishness"
2. National Body Challenge
3. Bishop Gene Robinson asked to give prayer at Inaugural event
4. The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success -- particulary the Law of Detachment
5. my tween's slumber party this weekend
6. daily exercise
7. setting reachable goals
8. personal boundaries
9. what I want on my tombstone
10. gratitude
swish swish
I found at least one thing to be very grateful for this morning. It's heading into sub-zero territory this week here in Chicago, and one of the less-than-a-month-old fancy-schmancy winter wiper blades I bought, snapped right off this morning. Perplexed at the thought of coming up with the money for a replacement, I decided to drive over to the oil-change place where I bought it — and they were able to fix it within seconds for free. Trust me, this is a grace-filled moment where we're talking about making it through a Chicago winter.
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