June 27, 2007


The past few weeks have brought confrontations and tricky-to-navigate situations with some key people in my life. I always end up triggered on so many levels. But this time, perhaps because I've walked these winding roads for so long now, I recognize and see these processes for what they are. I'm stopping myself in my own tracks and getting my bearings a lot quicker than I used to be able to. I'm no longer blindsided -- and really, how could I be -- when the patterns have repeated for a lifetime. Whether its just time that brings this clarity or something else, I'm not certain.
But I've felt a major shift. I'm changing in big ways. I'm not the same person I was even 4 months ago. I am healing.
This morning my eyes welled with tears for a brief moment (uh, hello Spirit) when someone's loving words hit me like a ton of bricks, forcing me to drop my self-depricating words in the dust and let them whither forever from my soul. And the moment they slipped from my tounge unsaid, I felt 10,000 pounds lighter. I felt loved -- by myself, for the first time in ages.
Today I claim all the love that is mine, and as I feel it fill my soul, heal my heart, I pour it out again on those who have loved me unconditionally. There are no words to express my graditude and my love for you.
A Sr. at my church once said that she had observed that most people don't really believe that God loves them. Really truly in their heart and soul, they feel abandoned. Thank you for pointing me back to the source of all love -- which flows abundantly through the universe for us all. We are all so very loved.

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