September 03, 2007


So last night, my tween daughter called me from the babydaddy's house, wanting to come home a day earlier than scheduled. I saw this as a pretty good sign. She's been very loving since I picked her up, trying to say "sorry" in a dozen unspoken ways. I'm hoping that soon she will be able to verbalize her desire for forgiveness. She also asked me to take her to church to go for Reconciliation.
This is going to be a journey for all of us — and I trust that we will all be transformed by the suffering and pain that comes up for each of us. Because if there is any purpose to suffering, it's the transformative and redemptive nature of experiencing such brokenness — the deeper empathy that blooms, the barriers that melt when you realize that we are all in the same boat (globally) and the yearning for more compassion to grow in our hearts when we witness the deep pain that we cause others, particularly the people that we love most. My heart aches with heaviness and regret as I look into the wounded eyes of those I've hurt.
When we ask for forgiveness and are forgiven, we are at once humbled and grateful and healed. When we don't ask for forgiveness when we are deeply sorry, we get stuck in shame, the worst of all human emotions. This is the message of Anima Sola — she who chooses to burn though her chains are broken. Why hasn't she left? Because she is not done punishing herself. Because she is stuck in shame and has not realized that all she need do is sincerely ask for forgiveness. Instead she hopes that the fire will purify her, make her worthy of God's love again. But God does not bind her there, it is she who must choose differently — choose humility and ask for forgiveness.
And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
For every one that asks, receives; and those that seek, find; and to those that knock, it shall be opened.

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