January 30, 2012

My temple

Times have been tough for me these last few months, there is no doubt.

My body is slowly starting to heal, but left scarred. I hope that the marks that run up and down my legs will fade one day, as I do love my summer skirts. The doctor's were never able to get to the bottom of my illness ... I'm now convinced with the timing of it all that it was stress related. You really can die of a broken heart. The horrible symptoms that have plagued me for nearly 5 months are slowly starting to subside. I'm confident that I will be victorious over this invader within my body.  I will not be broken.

My spirit is also slowly starting to heal. I am sustained by my deep faith, my appreciation for beauty and art, my loving children, family and friends, and my tenacious ability to protect myself from situations and people that disregard my emotional well-being. I'm feeling an even greater need to listen to beautiful music, sing even more, and seek out creative opportunities. Dance. Laugh, cry, and thank God that I've made it this far, and learned what I've learned. I'm also feeling the need to access friendships and let go of people that aren't really in my camp -- and not maliciously -- but just with the recognition that it's okay to let go of people who don't enrich your life in any meaningful way.

My mind continues to heal, as I do the work necessary to let go of the pain of the last 5 months. A deep inner work, a necessary work. The kind of work one must do after ending a long-term relationship badly, but that so many avoid. I have a job that I love and stack of books to read to keep me sharp. For the first time in a long time, I feel the glimmer of hope in the deep space where my heart lays. But I don't want to jinx it, so I won't write more about that just yet.

I am becoming the person I want to be...and I am so deeply grateful.

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