April 05, 2012

The rabbit hole

This morning, I was thrilled to see the article in the New York Times about the Pope freaking out about priests around the world in a state of disobedience about Women's Ordination. His call for "radical obedience" at the onset of the the Holy Week masses was sharp..and at least at our church, will be defied tonight, as the Priest will wash the feet of both male AND female parishioners.

This Lent, I took on some major meditation practices...trying to fill the holes left from a broken relationship, and heal my heart. Meditation has been a great way for me to do the soul-searching and soul-healing that I really needed to make space in my life to do. Time for "listening." I also found that I really found my bond with my youngest daughter really deepen during this time. She's such a neat kiddo, and I love spending time with her. I've also become somewhat of a hula-hooping diva. I really want to find a good dance class this summer and expand my repitoire to fancy shmancy moves.
I'm slowly starting to learn to trust myself again, and feel grounded once again. It's hard to believe that I was ever lost, that I could ever lose my way. It happens when you search outside of yourself, when you start to give up too much of yourself for another who doesn't value you, doesn't respect your basic humanity. And I have to take a good deal of the responsibility for that, for that choice. Love is blind.

But when the blinders are off, you wonder how you could have ever seen yourself in that light. It's like falling down the rabbit hole and coming up two years later and wondering what the hell happened? Where have I been? Was it all just a dream? Did life go on without me? And now, I have some catching up to do...

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