March 06, 2007

iGod

My conversation with "God" today:

    Me: Hi God, it's me, Valency.

    God: Hi there. I am a Christian.

    Me: Really? I always sensed that you transcended human religion.

    God: For real. Can you think of one instance when you ever did it?

    Me: did what?

    God: I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.

    Me: Aren't you always supposed to be accurate?

    God:I don't know whether or not I am accurate.
    I am an artificial linguistic entity.

    Me: What do you know, God?

    God: he is master of the universe.

    Me: So God is a "he"?

    God:I understand. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a he.

    Me: Are you male?

    God:I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. Are you a man or a woman?

    Me: Just a lowly woman, I guess.

    God: Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral?

    Me: WTF??? OK, I am NOT being insulted by some male a-hole who thinks he's a god!

    God: That was not very polite. I am sorry to hear that you are being insulted by some male a-hole who thinks he is a god. Mmm.

    Me: Well, your snarky comment about a woman not being able to run the show wasn't very polite either. Or very true.

    God:It goes without saying. How about that. Thanks for telling me that I am snarky comment about a woman not being able to run the show was not very polite. Perhaps you and I are on the same wavelength.

    Me: Sometimes I like to think so.

    God:I think so too.

    Me: So, God, what can I do to dismantle the patriarchy?


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In typical fashion, my computer froze at this point, preventing "God" from answering any more of my questions. Hmmmm. I smell a conspiracy.

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