May 28, 2012
Leap of faith
What a weekend this has been. Yet I feel like even in this safe space, I must restrain myself from writing too much about it, at this time. I can say without hesitation, I am falling for someone special. (Still trying to think of the perfect codename.) But it seems that there are certain ducks that must be aligned before everything can be right. We wouldn't be lesbians if there weren't some sort of drama!!! So, some things need to be taken care of. For someone to ask me to trust them so early in the game requires a big leap of faith, and I have to admit, I'm feeling a lot of anxiety about it. Once bitten, twice shy, as they say. While not wanting to project a bunch of expectations onto what could be a lovely beginning, it also scares me to subject it to what I consider a risky and tense test so early on. Here's where the trust and faith has to come in. She's reminded me that I have an Advocate who can help me with the fear, so I'm trying to "give it up to God," and say a few prayers about this situation when the anxiety strikes. Focusing on the present moment is the most helpful thing I can do for myself right now, and it brings me peace to just know that right now, at this moment, everything is exactly as it should be. Tonight she is cooking me dinner and I'm looking forward to even more time with the girl who is slowly stealing my heart. Did I just say that?