February 25, 2008

A dream analysis a day too late

Two nights ago I had a dream:
I was in church, alone in my pew. When I look down to the far other end of it, my ex-husband is sitting there. He blows a kiss. I look forward again and wrap my arms around T sitting in the pew directly in front of me, and I kiss her neck. She is faceless and does not respond. My ex says something nasty to her and I. Suddenly I am called to the altar where I find myself announcing to the congregation that I only have one day to live. I look up and a few women are weaving down the aisle with lit candles. Everyone else is heading to the back doors of the church. As T and I head to the back of the church, I see people i know doing uncharacteristic things. The Liturgical Director is swigging vodka from a juice bottle. I meet the Associate Pastor, also headed to the door, and as they swing open, we both look at the sky and he remarks at the impending storm. The sky is in turmoil and as the black clouds roll in, they swirl angrily. T and I are walking but now she is way ahead of me, and I encounter one of the school children who tells me that she too is dying. I noticed an elaborate altar (like an Ofrenda) in the church dedicated to her — as if she had already died. She tells me that I am going to be ok, but I say, "no, I am going to be dead by tomorrow."

From the dream dictionary:
To dream that you are in a church, suggests that you are seeking for some spiritual enlightenment and guidance. You are looking to be uplifted in some way. Perhaps you have made some mistakes in the past which have set you back on your path toward your goals. With proper support, you will get on the right track again. Alternatively, it may also mean that you are questioning and debating your life path and where it is leading. You are reevaluating what you want to do.

Ex Husband
To see your ex-husband in your dream, indicates that you are finding yourself in a situation that you do not want to be in. It suggests that you are experiencing a similar relationship or situation which makes you feel unhappy and uncomfortable.

To dream of a kiss, denotes love, affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment.

To see a faceless figure or person in your dream, indicates that you are still searching for your own identity and finding out who you are. Perhaps you are unsure of how to read people and their emotions, and therefore are expressing a desire to know and understand these people in a deeper level.

To give a speech in your dream, indicates that you need to vocalize your feelings and thoughts. You need to communicate something important and/or urgent.

To see the altar in your dream, symbolizes that you are making a great personal sacrifice. You may also be expressing concerns about your spirituality.

To see a burning candle in your dream, signifies that good luck and hope will be coming your way in small and steady amounts. You are in a comfortable stage in your life and may be seeking spiritual enlightenment. Lit candles are also symbolic of intellect, enlightenment, awareness or the search for truth.

To dream that darkness comes upon you, signifies failure in work you may attempt. Darkness is synonymous with ignorance, the unconscious, evil, death, and fear of the unknown. To dream that you cannot find someone in the darkness, signifies that you need to keep your temper in check. You have the tendency to let your emotions get out of control and lose your temper.

To see a storm in your dream, signifies overwhelming struggle, shock, devastating loss and catastrophe in your personal affairs. The storm also represents unexpressed fears or emotions, such as anger, rage, turmoil, etc. On a more positive note, the storm signifies the rising of spirit within.

To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such a dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.


To the person that I love, but continue to hurt — I know that a thousand "I'm sorrys" can never change or take away the pain I've caused you. Apologies are always after the fact: too late. I have to live with the pain I've caused you. Please know that no matter how hard I push, it is out of my own fear and self-loathing and is no reflection on the depth of my love for you. Without you, I would perish. The girl in my dream, the one who I witnessed dissolve into a tearful rage at a b-ball game two weeks ago -- I know why she walks with me. Neither of us can control our overwhelming emotions. I can only pray that her promise that I'd be "ok" will come to pass, and that the "death" I am experiencing will only bring new healing. Don't lose faith that our love can heal anything that comes along.

No comments: