Early this morning I was sitting on my lovely balcony, enjoying the start of an unusually summerlike autumn Sunday when I noticed one of my neighbors walking by. I got ready to send down a neighborly "good morning," when I noticed he was muttering to himself. Not the type to interrupt someone fully engaged in talking to himself, I stepped back just as I heard the words "fucking faggots" float to my ears. Before I could react, he looked up at me and muttered, "bitch." I looked up and saw that he had just passed my car — and might have been commenting on my HRC equality sticker. Before my brain could put this all together and before I started to entertain the idea that maybe I was just being paranoid and that his angry ramblings had absolutely nothing to do with me, he had passed out of my view.
I'm a little floored by the whole experience; this guy has been nice to our faces and pretty conversational on a few occasions. He seemed like a laid back bearded hippy type. Now I'm wondering just how many people are nice to our faces, then secretly scowl when our backs are turned?
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About Me
- Anima Sola
- Chicago, IL
- Anima Sola isn't fond of labels. She is, however, fond of embracing her many paradoxes, and walking the fine lines between religion and politics, with an eye turned toward postmodern religion, feminist theology, and challenging patriarchy from inside the Roman Catholic Church.
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They really like me...
Quoting...
There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love
anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart
to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies
and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the
casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark,
motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will
become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to
tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only
place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the
dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."
~From the book The Four Loves by C.S.Lewis
anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart
to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies
and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the
casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark,
motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will
become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to
tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only
place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the
dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."
~From the book The Four Loves by C.S.Lewis
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3 comments:
Maybe it's just my age talking, or my growing ability to 'let it all go', but, putting myself in your shoes for a minute, why should I care what my neighbors, or anyone else thinks about me or my lifestyle? Anyone with half a brain knows that there is hypocrisy and hatred in this world, and we also know that we don't have to look very far to find it. I've come to accept it as one of the many figurative 'boils on my back'. I've gotten used to the annoyance, and learned to live through it, I guess. That doesn't mean that these people's behavior is acceptable, rather that I have, on some level that allows me to live peacefully, learned to accept it. The constant 'wondering' about unimportant, insignificant people's opinions only serves to keep one 'on edge' and creates a horrible aire of nauseating stress and tension that is easily picked up by those around us. That is the primary reason for, as I said, 'letting it all go', so I can move through my life with a little less difficulty. This attitude not only serves our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters well, but also the rest of us. We who choose to live our lives a little closer to our heart, gay or straight, will always be aware of sideways glances, vitriolic hisses, and outright condemnation from others; it is to what extent we choose to let it change who we truly are, decide whether we are enrichened or diminished in our lives.
It's sad when we are caught with our emotional pants down. It's the time when so many misunderstandings occur.
My advice to you? Ignore what he does "behind your back." Stay facing forward and accept what he says when he is looking you in the eye and engaging you in conversation or interaction.
You will not only save yourself from much angst over what he might think of you, possibly leading you, then, to make a mistake about his intent; you will allow him to come to the best conclusion about you.
Something I've learned in sobriety? It's none of my business what other people think about me... it's my job to lead my life the best way I know how, keeping my side of the street clean (figuratively speaking), and as long as I do that, the rest is in God's hands. Yes, I know, coming from me... but it's true. :)
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