I grabbed my journal a couple of days ago and shoved it into my purse. It wasn't begging for me to write something...but to review. And so today I finally re-read the past couple of months of entries and saw again the pain of the last year, and the healing journey. The very last entry I made was my prayer for love to come my way again in the coming year, and my "list" of what I wanted. AHhhhhh, you'd think I'd have learned my lesson of making lists and asking God to deliver me lovers in such a manner! Perhaps I had done a better job this time! My short list asked for:
• deep soul-connection
• equal partnership - healthy balance
A great list, if I do say so myself. Sure beats my list of basic requirements that I'd come up with in high school with my best girlfriend:
• had to have a home
• had to have a phone
• no hard drug use
• reasonably close to my age
Also good, but this new list is certainly more refined on speaks to needs on a deeper level — a soul level.
What makes for a good relationship? I've blogged and reflected about it before, and posted the list of characteristics of what constitutes "healthy" and "unhealthy" and seen my relationships wander down both paths. I'm always interested in hearing about what works for other people, so I think these sort of lists make good sense. What would be on your list?
As for my list, I am realizing that these are not just characteristics that I am desiring in another person, but also ones that I want to nurture in myself: they are all a mutual sharing on every level that can be shared, with the essential ingredient being fearlessness. It's takes courage to share every aspect of yourself with another in the deep levels I'm talking about, that I'm dreaming of. My prayers will be focused on overcoming my own fears and continually surrendering, trusting. God is with me on this journey...I am never alone, and I am so freaking blessed that I don't even have the words of gratitude to express. I am continually humbled by God's good gifts that are showered upon me. Amen.