May 15, 2007

Farewell, Falwell. Don't let the door hit your a** on the way out.

Jerry Falwell, dead at 73. This guy practically started the concept of turing anti-gay speech into a profitable business. Who will ever forget the vileness of his words after 9/11? For me, Jerry Falwell will always be a perfect illustration of the horror that can happen in the merging of politics and religion. And the prime example of why Christians are seen as bigoted, intollerant hypocrites. But isn't there some rule about speaking ill of the dead? Well....

    And, I know that I'll hear from them for this. But, throwing God out successfully with the help of the federal court system, throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools. The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way — all of them who have tried to secularize America — I point the finger in their face and say, "You helped this happen."
    — Rev Jerry Falwell, blaming civil libertarians, feminists, homosexuals, and abortion rights supporters for the terrorist attacks of Tuesday, September 11, 2001, quoted from John F Harris, "God Gave US 'What We Deserve,' Falwell Says," The Washington Post (September 14, 2001)


For a reasonalbe take from a person of faith that I admire, click here.

May 08, 2007

The cicadas are coming!


Holy Mother of God. I'm having a little trouble breathing today, after reading a few articles about what I've known was coming for months now: the reemergence of the 17-year cicadas in the Chicagoland area (and all of Northern Illinois). To make matters worse, I'm told that they are expected to come out in droves, oh, sometime during Memorial Day weekend. While I'm camping. Smack in the middle of their turf. SummerCamp Music Festival. In the heavily-wooded Illinois River basin.
I was 18 when these critters last emerged, and I have a few memories. The funniest cicada memory was watching one actually swing, tarzan-style, from my friend Corey's curly locks. And I remember their dead bodies curiously stopping me in my tracks as I'd encounter them on the city streets. But I don't remember them in anything like the "droves" I've been reading about. Shudder. It's enough to send me reaching for some Xanax.

May 03, 2007

10 things today

1. First, a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my little brother, Joe. Have a great "jesus year" Joe. Thirty-three was a big year for me.
2. I got a call from my gyn confirming that I have ovarian cysts. Bleck.
3. Fishdog the cat, our long-time house guest, is leaving today. We'll miss you Fishy!
4. I got lilacs today. OK, virtual ones, but still, lilacs are part of the key to unlocking my heart.
5. I burned two Melissa Ferrick cd's, and part of a third. I couldn't get it all because a malicous chick put hailine fractures in them all. The fourth one had a big chunk missing from it. Totally smashed. Meh. Anyway, I really like her music and look forward to obsessively jammin out to them in the next few days.
6. I got off work early. Yay. Thursdays are unbearably slow.
7. I got the sweetest letter from a friend that I am just getting to know. Really heartwarming. It's nice to know that my girlfriend's friends really like me. :)
8. I turned down my former crush for dinner tonight THREE times. Then gushed about how in love I am.
9. I posted a pic of Lisa getting her teeth picked by her lover on her MySpace comments. Gross. Now that's love....
10. I nursed a big ol' boo-boo on my youngest daughter today. The older kid thought it would be a great idea to put an angry cat on her lap. A mama's work is never done....

May 01, 2007

Blessed Beltane/May Day!


May 1st is probably the best example of a christianized pagan holiday, one that has additional meaning around the world for workers who struggle. Traditionally, Beltane was celebrated by the Celts in Ireland, Wales and the Isle of Man in order to mark the beginning of summer. In Modern Irish, Mí na Bealtaine is Gaelic for the month of May. Celebrations to mark this day included the lighting of bonfires, purification rituals, and fertility rites. Maypoles were used (and adopted by Christians) to symbolize the fertilization of the land. Many communities elected a virgin as their "May Queen" to lead marches or songs. To the Celts, she represented the virgin goddess on the eve of her transition from Maiden to Mother. Depending on the time and place, the consort might be named "Jack-in-the-Green" or "Green Man," "May Groom" or "May King." The union of the Queen and her consort symbolized the fertility and rebirth of the world. Some Neopagans today still mark the day with sex magic.

As a personal aside, my first-born daughter was conceived during my own May Day festivities, eleven years ago. After visiting Laurie Cabot's shop in Salem, Mass and fondling a beautiful fertility goddess sculpture made from Gloucester clay, under the light of full moon — I experienced the most powerful magic in my lifetime so far. Uncannily, I knew I was pregnant within moments. Some things are just meant to be, I guess.

So, yeah, I've got a fondness for this holiday, that actually started in my childhood, when we celebrated at my Catholic school with a May Crowning. Some lucky girl (um, virgin?) would be selected to "crown" Mary with flowers, and the rest of us would bring as many flowers up as the altar could hold. We'd sing, "Oh Mary we crown thee with blossoms today, Queen of the Angels, Queen of the May...." Clearly rooted in those same fertility rites of the ancient Celts.

And of course, today, workers around the world unite and celebrate May Day -- which originated right here in Chicago with the fight for the 8-hour workday. Today in Chicago and around the country, immigrants will be taking to the streets to demand their rights and unite against rascist laws that seek to deport undocumented workers, seperating them from their families. If you have time today, put on your white t-shirt and join one of these marches and show your solidarity.

And if you're looking for another way to celebrate the day, I suggest getting together with someone you love and taking advantage of that special aura of May Day magic. Light some candles, (or a bonfire if you're not in the city), drink some really good wine, and um, well, I'm sure you can figure out the rest. Sexual chemistry is said to be most powerful on this day, so enjoy!

April 27, 2007

Big ol' gay Mass


Trolling for stories today on my favorite right-wing Catholic blog, I discovered this tidbit about a big ol' gay Catholic Mass being celebrated in San Francisco, and broadcast live on BBC radio -- purportedly the first ever such broadcast to approach the issue of what it means to be gay and christian by the BBC.
Sadly, the article paints a picture of questionable motives by some participants -- highlighting the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, (members seen pictured above), a drag group who is known to dress as nuns, pass out sex toys and evangelize with a "go and sin some more" motto. Cheeky and cute, but I fear it is ultimately damaging to the cause and provides way too much ammunition for those who fear "godless homosexuals." There is a time and place for confrontation, and I don't think that the Mass is that place. Just sayin'.
Much more interestingly, the Mass is being celebrated by a U.S. Jesuit preist, Father Donal Godfrey, who said he was delighted the BBC was "exploring how gay people fit into the perspective of the Christian narrative."
"Being gay is not special," he said. "It's simply another gift from God who created us as rainbow people." Can I get an amen? I'm sure Fr. Godfrey is going to catch holy hell for this, so let's be sure to lend him our support.
The preacher will be James Alison — a homosexual British Catholic theologian and author of 'Is it ethical to be Catholic? — Queer perspectives'. I'd love to examine his perspectives, because I am woefully insulated at my super-de-duper gay friendly Catholic Church on Chicago's northside. But particularly because I am only now starting to come out in this community, I could use all the info I can get, as I'm sure I'll run into the full spectrum of reactions.

April 17, 2007

Chocolate vs. kissing


Still on a high from my, um, passionate weekend with my girlfriend, I stumbled on this story that gave me pause. From the article:
    "There is no doubt that chocolate beats kissing hands down when it comes to providing a long-lasting body and brain buzz -- a buzz that, in many cases, lasted four times as long as the most passionate kiss."

Now, I love chocolate. I mean I reaaaaally love the stuff, particularly dark chocolate. That milk chocolate stuff is for lightweights. But really, as much as I love chocolate, I cannot say that these results are anywhere near accurate, in my humble opinion. A fine piece of dark chocolate might inspire a little happy dance, a sugar buzz and a brief moment of euphoria, but cannot produce the tummy flips, temperature rise and lustful out-of-body experience of a truly passionate kiss.
I have to wonder if the 20-sometings they used for this study were adept kissers, because I think that could skew the results significantly. I for one would rather subsit on truffles than bother with a bad kisser. For that matter, I could probably get a bigger high from eating a piece of liver sausage, than from playing tonsil-hockey with a bad kisser.
Luckily, I don't have to suffer that fate.....
So lets hear it. Chocolate vs. kissing: which tickles your fancy?

April 16, 2007

Why o why


Well, I haven't had much of a desire to write anything here for awhile. Recently, another blogger asked me just what was the purpose of my blog.
I honestly couldn't answer, accept to say that after my friend Delle died, I felt compelled to do what she asked of me: write more. And Delle wrote so beautifully, so prophetically. She had a real gift for it. She was convinced that I could be a pretty decent writer if I put my mind to it. High praise from someone I deeply respected -- and who had earned the respect due her as a published author, screenwriter, and frequent preacher at St. Gertrude's Catholic Church.
So, I'm trying to fill some pretty big shoes -- shoes that I know I never can fill.
I know that she would want me to be writing about faith -- and I'm doing my best to do that here. I don't think it's any coincidence that a good deal of my readers (and friends, for that matter) are agnostics and atheists, not to mention fallen-away Catholics. Do my words resonate with them, even if we do not agree? I hope so.
But perhaps I'd like to expand my topics a little. There are so many other intersting things that I observe and parts of my life that I'd love to write about. I've always had trouble nailing down just what to write about, which is why I set such narrow paramaters here on this blog. Am I ready to expand? Write about more? Would anyone even care? Or would this blog just devolve into a daily navel-gazing diatribe -- as if anyone would want to read about the minutae of my daily existence.
So, for now, I'm not sure where I want to go. Anyone got a map?

April 12, 2007

The Secret: it's grace.

There's been a lot of buzz recently about The Secret, a new-age movie out on DVD, extolling the virtues of "The Law of Attraction." Admittedly, I have not yet seen the film, but I've been involved in New Age religious circles enough to get the gist of it: The Law of Attraction is about creating our own reality, as "co-creators" with God, with the power of our intentions.
Now, without wading into the dozens of philisophical questions this theory proposes (and oh, there are many), I'd like to just point out the one huge glaring ommission -- the thing that has always left a bad taste in my mouth -- when it comes to the religious philosophies based on this theory. Scientology, Christian Science, Religious Science and others all claim this concept as the basis of their religous teachings. God wants us to have what we want (especially skads of money, in the case of Scientology), and we have the power to make it all happen. In essence, we are gods.
Now I have no doubt that there is enormous power in our intentions. I have witnessed this firsthand in my own life. But when I make an affirmation for my life, when I pray, when I ask the universe to deliver whatever it is that fulfills my needs -- I do so without an arrogant belief that I have created this reality. Instead, I recognize the key component to manifesting our desires -- and that is the gift of grace. Without the gift of grace -- the intersession of God -- we would have no power to create. Some may call this the divine intention -- but I think that it is important to recognize and acknowledge that the divine intention -- the gift of grace -- is in all that we ask for. "Not my will, but thine be done." This makes our intentions a powerful act of submission, which I frankly think scares the pants off of many in New Age circles. It's an admission that we are, in fact, not in control. We can only ask, and receive. And afterward, hopefully, give thanks.
A week ago, I asked for a list of things, and by the power of Grace, all was delivered to me by weeks end. It would be the height of arrogance for me to believe that *I* was able to manifest all of my wants and desires by some force of my own will. No, it is in submission that we receive, and someone better let the rest of the world in on that secret.

April 06, 2007

Do not be afraid

Delle at Aunt Lossie's 1
Today is Good Friday, a day that I have anticipated with many tears in the past few weeks. I know she wouldn't like it, but I just can't bring myself to go to the services today. Instead, I will remember and let myself be comforted by good friends, on this day. Delle Chatman was my spiritual mother, and passed on after a 4-year long battle with Ovarian Cancer, on election day last November. Delle was a prophet, and I don't have any problems saying so -- for anyone who ever spent more than a few moments in her presence, or who heard her speak from the pulpit at St. Gertrude's church, knew it. I swear, sometimes I could see that woman's halo! Knowing her transformed my faith in more ways that I can list here. And Good Friday was all hers -- as she presided over the services that day. She is with me today, even if it is not her arms that will cradle the cross as the faithful process up to kiss it. I miss you, Delle. And I will try not to be afraid today.
=======================================================

DO NOT BE AFRAID

Homily written and delivered by Delle Chatman
Scripture Verses: Matthew 28:1-10
St. Gertrude’s Catholic Parish
March 27, 2005

The first day of the week was dawning.

The first day of the week?

That’s Monday. For you and me. Christians start the week after Sunday, their sabbath, so Monday is our first day of the week. For Mary from Magdala – whose reputation will have us, her descendants thinking of her as a reformed prostitute when the gospel shows us that she was perhaps the bravest disciple on Good Friday, along with the Lord’s mother, and Mary, the mother of James and John. It is no sin to look to these women as heroes, and to give St. John his due as well for sticking it out at the foot of the cross. I’m not going to linger there because we’ve moved on. The clock kept ticking, the hours kept using by and this morning our gospel story picks up on the disciples’ first day of the week.

It was a bloody, awful, scary, heart-breaking Monday morning. For these two women and hundreds others throughout Judea, thousands of people who had been fed, healed, and encouraged by Jesus but remained silent on Good Friday and watched Jesus die from a distance. Now it is the first day of the week after a weekend of Hell on earth.

And these two women head for the Lord’s tomb. That is where they most want and need to be right now. There is a burial ritual that has not been completed, He died so quickly even Pilate was shocked Jesus hadn’t lasted longer on the cross. Joseph of Arimethea helped out with a burial linen and a tomb, but they were hurrying to get the body wrapped by sundown when the Sabbath would begin. These two Marys found it in them to return to the tomb, return to the crime scene, in order to fulfill the last and the least tribute to this soul that had been driven out of its body so cruelly.

Probably if they hadn’t gone, Jesus’ mother would have. Mary, Jesus’ mother, probably had to be restrained. Perhaps Magdala had to promise to do it, or Mary was going to go, by herself if she had to. He couldn’t just be thrown in a tomb and forgotten. What mother present could have borne that?

So Magdala and the mother of James and John go. By the way James and John were from Zebedee and their nickname was "the sons of thunder." Sons of thunder. Only not on Good Friday, huh? Their mother has to go and fulfill the custom for their slain leader.

And what do these two women run into?

An earthquake.

An angel.

And the Lord Himself. Resurrected in the flesh.

Both the angel and the Lord have to tell them not to fear.

"Then the angel said to the women in reply,

"Do not be afraid!

In reply? I wonder what the women said. Most likely they screamed.

"Do not be afraid," Jesus tells them after they have embraced his feet, and bowed before him again and again."

Magdala and the other Mary have to be told not to fear twice because the fear that had overwhelmed all the disciples was intense, maybe even ingrained. They were an occupied people who had just witnessed the savage execution of their teacher.

It is so easy to feel superior to Peter after those three denials, but which one of us honestly would have spoken up and said, "Oh, yes, he was my teacher, my leader, I pretty much worshipped the ground he walked on." Which of us would have copped to it that awful night?

Terrified! They were all terrified! And, brothers and sisters, so are we. Big things scare us, little things scare us. Things we don’t even spend time thinking about scare us when we do think about them.

What do we do about our fears?

Mainly we complain about them. For some reason, this Lenten season I became hyper-sensitive to the amount of complaining that I do and that I hear. I first looked at Easter morning as a perfect time to encourage you and myself to stop complaining. I became very sensitive to the amount of complaining we all do in the course of the day.

We complain about the weather. No matter what the weather is, there will be someone somewhere complaining about it.

We complain about the cost of things. Gas prices are up, and headed higher. The Fed says inflation is becoming an issue. Prescription drugs? Don’t get me started. I can start myself.

I made the mistake of telling my ten year old daughter Ramona that I was going on a "don’t complain" campaign. And then I complained out loud when a prescription drug I take slid off the we-will-cover-this-list on to a we-won’t-cover-it-no-way-you-can’t-make-us list. Many, many people in this church right now know exactly what I’m talking about. The loss of coverage was a blow, no doubt about it.

But my daughter heard me squealing and said, "Don’t complain, Mommy."

I felt like I was going to choke. I tried explaining to her that I had the right to complain, I was being broadsided by the system, this, I said, "Is like someone taking away the money we need to buy that Sims game you’re so wild for."

But she kept on with, "Don’t complain."

And I realized that it was a lot harder to practice than to preach. So, I went to work to try to make it easier on myself to not complain. Why was I complaining?

Well, that’s easy, I was complaining because I was afraid I would run out of . . .

And when you complain about the cost of anything if you boil the complaint down to its essence it’s coming out of fear . . .

We complain about the weather because we can not control it. And that scares us.

We complain about the people we call our friends because we can see their flaws (and – duh, they can see ours) and we’re afraid somewhere that when the chips are down they might not really be there for us.

We complain about our spouses, or significant others for much the same reason. We fear being abandoned by that person who means so much to us, either willfully or through a chillier indifference.

We complain about our children because we fear that, like the weather, we can not control them even though we gave birth to them. We fear that they will hurt themselves or others or us. We fear they will not be able to take care of themselves . . . ever. We see their flaws, and – duh, they see ours, and we know what they are up against and fear that they might not be up to it. Unless, of course, they do everything we say for the rest of their lives. Then everything will be perfectly fine.

In short, we complain because we fear, and we fear because we do not embrace the Resurrection of Christ as our own resurrection, our own second chance, our own transformational raising, yes, like Jesus, by the Hand of God no less.

This morning we rise with Christ, out of our fears, past the reach of our complaints – into inexhaustible possibilities. The Resurrection of Jesus as the Christ is a sign and more than a sign. It is the sign and it is what the sign stands for: Eternal Life. A forever-being in Love with Love and for Love.

The Beloved John who wrote the Passion narrative we read on Good Friday, also penned these immortal words: "God is love."

Jesus’ sacrifice proved God’s love for us. And early on Easter morning, God embraced us with the same love He has for His Son. And raised Jesus from the dead out of love.

Do not be afraid.

"Do not be afraid," he says and then he gives them a mission, "Go tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me."

He gives them something to do, in the midst of the Roman occupation, in the midst of oppression and grief, in the midst of hard times and challenging issues, in the midst of our friendships and our families, our jobs and our confusion – God reassures us of His protection, His love, His power, and He gives us a mission.

In these fifty Easter days that stretch out before us with Pentecost Sunday as yet another crescendo of power and grace – in these next fifty days let us set aside our complaining and our fear.

Let us embrace the inexhaustible possibilities lurking in our problems.

Let us see if there isn’t a message, some guidance from Jesus for us.

He is, after all, risen!

And He loves us more than ever.

March 30, 2007

'My Sweet Lord'


Holy Week is about to begin, and a an art school refugee, I couldn't help but post a little something about artist Cosimo Cavallaro's 200 lb. chocolate Jesus sculpture. Of course the Catholic League is up in arms. Because Jesus has a penis. Which is clearly offensive, particularly during the holiest season for Christians.

But the hardened art student in me can't help but yawn. Not only does the sculpture NOT resemble Jesus (where's the long hair for cryin out loud?), but it's just such a cliché to do Jesus art. It's practically a right of passage for all first-year students to do the "shocking" jesus art. "Jesus painted with my own menstrual blood." "Jesus in feces." "Urine Jesus." Yawn, yawn, yawn.

And, of course, none of us would have ever heard of this forgetable sculpture had the Catholic League not gotten it's collective panties in a bunch. And what of the thousands of chocolate eggs and crosses? Do they profane the season? No, only a penis can do that....

March 29, 2007

We are loved


"Love one another as I have loved you/Care for each other, I have cared for you/Bear each other's burdens, bind each other's wounds/and so you will know my return."

We are a broken people. Those of us who choose to stay open to love must also occasionally dwell in pain, hurt and grief. People disappoint us, fling words like knives, betray us. But we don't shut down, become bitter and isolate ourselves. No, in that very moment we must reach out in all our vulnerability and trust again. In doing this, we bear witness to the return of Christ, the return of the Spring, rebirth, renewal. Remember always that our God sent God's son to experience all the pain that we endure in our lives -- and was betrayed with a kiss. Our God is a God of empathy, and forgiveness. We are so loved, so unconditionally loved.

March 26, 2007

Sensus fidelium

For a few days now, I've been following the developing firestorm over the published writings of a 75-year-old theologian at Marquette University in defense of same-sex marrige. Daniel C. Maguire, a teacher of religious ethics at the Jesuit-run Milwaukee university, while being denounced by Bishops, has laid out the theological criteria with which progressive Catholics today can and do access the issue of same-sex unions and romantic love between such couples. I have never read anything more theologically correct.
Please take the time to read Maguire's published comments.
    The highlights:
    • The desire to bond lovingly and sexually with persons of the same sex or of the opposite sex, is a fact of life, a fact of God's creation, and we have no right to call it unholy. As the Acts of the Apostles says in the Bible, we have no right to declare unclean anything that God has made (Acts of the Apostles 10:15). To do so, in fact, is a sin.
    Marriage can be defined as the unique and special form of committed friendship between sexually attracted persons. This definition does not say that the persons have to be heterosexually attracted. Persons attracted to a person of their same sex can still be married. Marriage is a supreme human good involving exclusive, committed, enduring, generous, and faithful love, and this kind of love is not something that only heterosexuals can achieve.
    • Friendship and love and commitment are human virtues and gay and lesbian persons are human and fully capable of a healthy human committed love in marriage.
    • The view that homosexual people are condemned to involuntary celibacy for life is as cruel as it is absurd. Jesus said of celibacy: "Let those accept it who can" (Matthew 19:12). Voluntary celibacy for a good cause is something some can do but it is seen as a special talent, a special gift that not all have. The Vatican council called it "a precious gift of divine grace which the Father gives to some persons," but not to all.9 Abstaining from all sexual activity is seen by the Council as something "unique."10 You can not demand from all homosexual people that which is "unique."


Those of us who work for change in the Catholic Church do so with the knowledge that we will not likely see change in our lifetimes. This is how change occurs in the church -- slowly, and as Maguire points out, it is almost always sensus fidelium, the wisdom and experience of the laity, that ushers in truths that the hierarchy would rather not acknowledge. But it will happen, I believe. Because it is theologically sound and true, and I belive it reflects the true will of God.

March 23, 2007

Friday night I Ching

I've been very disappointed lately, and not quite sure how to react to a particular situation. Experience has taught me when to retreat to safety, take the path of least resistance, and do absolutely nothing. Avoid confrontation and lick my wounds. Being rejected is never fun, but always offers an opportunity for introspection and growth for future relationships. So, here it is, Friday night, time for an I Ching to gain a little clarity. I've been doing the I Ching since I was a girl. My dad was very into it. Just picture a stoned old hippie blaring Van Morrison, rolling pennies across the table and writing down the results with a knowing nod of the head. A regular occurance in my household, but I digress.
So, here's what I got:

    I-Ching Hexagram 23 - Po - Splitting Apart



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    the trigram above - KEN - Keeping Still, Mountain
    the trigram below - K’UN - the Receptive, Earth

    From the Wilhelm-Baynes translation of “the I Ching or the Book of Changes”

    The dark lines are about to mount upward and overthrow the last firm, light line by exerting a disintegrating influence on it. The inferior, dark forces overcome what is superior and strong, not by direct mens, but by undermining it gradually and imperceptibly, so that it finally collapses.

    The lines of the hexagrams present the image of a house, the top line being the roof, and because the roof is being shattered the house collapses. The hexagram belongs to the ninth month (October - November). The yin power pushes up ever more powerfully and is about to supplant the yang power altogether.

    THE JUDGMENT

    SPLITTING APART. It does not further one
    To go anywhere.

    This pictures a time when inferior people are pushing forward and are about to crowd out the few remaining strong and superior men. Under these circumstances, which are due to the time, it is not favorable for the superior man to undertake anything.

    The right behavior in such adverse times is to be deduced from the images and their attributes. The lower trigrams stands for the earth, whose attributes are docility and devotion. The upper trigram stands for the mountain, whose attribute is stillness. This suggests that one should submit to he bad time and remain quiet. For it is a question not of man’s doing but of time conditions, which, according to the laws of heaven, show an alternation of increase and decrease, fullness and emptiness. It is impossible to counteract these conditions of the time. Hence it is not cowardice but wisdom to submit and avoid action.

    THE IMAGE

    The mountain rests on the earth:
    The image of SPLITTING APART.
    Thus those above can ensure their position
    Only by giving generously to those below.

    The mountain rests on the earth. When it is steep and narrow, lacking a broad base, it must topple over. Its position is strong only when it rises out of the earth broad and great, not proud and steep. So likewise those who rule rest on the broad foundation of the people. They too should be generous and benevolent, like the earth that carries all. Then they will make their position as secure as a mountain is in its tranquillity.

    THE LINES -- [I've only included the lines that pertain to my particular hexagram formulation]

    Six in the second place means:
    The bed is split at the edge.
    Those who persevere are destroyed.
    Misfortune.

    The power of the inferior people is growing. The danger draws close to one’s person; already there are clear indications, and rest is disturbed. Moreover, in this dangerous situation one is as yet without help or friendly advances from above or below. Extreme caution is necessary in this isolation. One must adjust to the time and promptly void the danger. Stubborn perseverance in maintaining one’s standpoint would lead to downfall.

    Six in the fourth place means:
    The bed is split up to the skin.
    Misfortune.

    Here the disaster affects not only the resting place but even the occupant. No warning or other comment is added. Misfortune has reached its peak: it can no longer be warded off.

    CHANGING TO:
    I-Ching Hexagram 64 - Wei Chi - Before Completion



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    the trigram above - LI - the Clinging, Flame
    the trigram below - K’AN - the Abysmal, Water

    From the Wilhelm-Baynes translation of “the I Ching or the Book of Changes”

    This hexagram indicates a time when the transition from disorder to order is not yet completed. The change is indeed prepared for, since all the lines in the upper trigram are in relation to those in the lower. However, they are not yet in their places. While te preceding hexagram offers an analogy to autumn, which forms the transition from summer to winter, this hexagram presents a parallel to spring, which leads out of winter’s stagnation into the fruitful time of summer. With this hopeful outlook the Book of Changes comes to its close.

    THE JUDGMENT

    BEFORE COMPLETION. Success.
    But if the little fox, after nearly completing the crossing,
    Gets his tail in the water,
    There is nothing that would further.

    The conditions are difficult. The task is great and full of responsibility. it is nothing less than that of leading the world out of confusion back to order. but it is a task that promises success, because there is a goal that can unite the forces now tending in different directions. At first, however, one must move warily, like an old fox walking over ice. The caution of a fox walking over ice is proverbial in China. His ears are constantly alert to the cracking of the ice, as he carefully and circumspectly searches out the safest spots. A young fox who as yet has not acquired this caution goes ahead boldly, and it may happen that he falls in and gets his tail wet when he is almost across the water. then of course his effort has been all in vain. Accordingly, in times “before completion,” deliberation and caution are the prerequisites of success.

    THE IMAGE

    Fire over water:
    The image of the condition before transition.
    Thus the superior man is careful
    in the differentiation of things,
    So that each finds its place.

    When fire, which by nature flames upward, is above, and water, which flows downward, is below, their effects take opposite directions and remain unrelated. If we wish to achieve an effect, we must first investigate the nature of the forces in question and ascertain their proper place. If we can bring these forces to bear in the right place, they will have the desired effect, and completion will be achieved. But in order to handle external forces properly, we must above all arrive at the correct standpoint ourselves, for only from this vantage can we work correctly.


Well, all I can say is that yes, I am doing absolutely nothing right now, which this reading confirms, is the correct and cautious path. I have found that when I am feeling intense emotions, it is usually better not to act rashly. So, I sequester myself and wait. This too shall pass. But as the changing lines indicate, I will need to formulate a careful plan if I am ever to make the changes that I desire for myself. For now, that plan includes feeling and expressing my emotions in safe and constructive ways, and moving through them until I can reclaim the love that's buried deep. Love is as much a choice as an emotion, an ascent of the spirit and the will. And anger can only be felt toward those that we have loved. Only something as powerful as love could provoke such an equal and opposite reaction. Or, as Chrissie Hynde sings, "it's a thin line, between love and hate."

March 20, 2007

Christmas in March

Yes, I know that it's called Christmas Song, but I think this Dave Matthews song is more than appropriate (nevermind his qualifying opening comments) for both Lent and the first day of Spring. Go ahead and cry. I can't listen to this song without sobbing! Enjoy and Happy Spring!



March 17, 2007

The Trials of Saint Bernadette


Tonight at Top Hat Tattoo I am getting adorned with the image on this postcard that I've been carrying around since 2002. I received it from my dearest sister-friend along with my birthday gift that year and I was instantly captivated by the image. The classic early 60's style made it seem kitschy, and the obvious religious theme conjured images of the always suffering saints in my copy of Fifteen Saints for Girls. On the flipside of the postcard, the only identifier was a title that said "The Trials of Saint Bernadetté."
So, up on the wall it went. Until last year when I went to a DIY craft fair and ran into the image all over the place. None of the artists had too much information as to the origin of the image, save for the title "Anima Sola." And so she is, the Anima Sola, the Lonely Soul. For me, this image conjures thoughts on the religious persecution of women as the "arbiters of sin" due to their sexual nature. It is said that the Anima Sola traded eternal salvation for temporal love -- and thus burns in the purgatorial flames. Yet she is not consumed. She gazes heavenward, chains broken. She is at last free.
So what does St. Bernadetté have to do with this? Well, it seems that Leonard Cohen penned Song to Bernadette for Jennifer Warnes Famous Blue Raincoat album (1986), and I've been told by friends that the Anima Sola image adorned an early Cohen album cover, though the only reference I could find was on Tower of Song, a Cohen tribute album. But clearly St. Bernadetté suffered greatly in her lifetime, and I think the image references her suffering and constant physical pain.
So, when I walked into Top Hat Tattoo for my consultation yesterday and laid down my image, the store owner, Priscilla, remarked, "Whoa. You want this tomorrow? Andrew (the tattoo artist), do you know what tomorrow is?" She then laid down the EXACT SAME IMAGE claiming that his other appointment for the day was an older mexican man who wanted the Anima Sola tattoo from elbow to shoulder -- a seven hour masterpiece. Neither the artist or the owner of the shop had ever seen the image before, let alone been requested to duplicate it twice in one day. Very odd. So, of course, I took it as a sign that it was meant to be. Now, I am hoping I can get a couple of friends to join me there, because I am really nervous. This will be, by far, the largest and most visible tattoo that I have, and it will take about three hours to complete. I plan on getting it on my upper right arm, and it will be about seven inches long. I barely slept last night, worrying about my decission. Just what kind of woman gets an obsure holy card tattoo on her arm anyway? What, if anything, does this say about my character?
All questions that will soon be answered, somtime after 7:30 p.m. tongight.

March 14, 2007

Bad Catholic

Well, I'm getting my wish. I'm a step closer to acheiving excommunication and joining the company (as if) of my favorite saint, Joan. Pope Benedict reiterated what we progressive Catholics have been ignoring (and will continue to) for years now. {Yawn} But just in case you weren't totally clear on the official stance of the hierarchy, here's a synopsis.

    • Gay people are immoral, and cannot receive Eucharist
    • Divorced Catholics who remarry must remain eternally celibate or can't receive Eucharist
    • Gregorian Chant is totally awesome, and should be used more
    • So is Latin
    • Priests must always remain celibate
    • All of these positions are non-negotiable


No big suprises here. Benedict has proven himself to be one of the finest minds of the twelfth century. Not much to say. See you on Sunday, where my big ol' gay divorced self will be serving as a Eucharistic minister. Oh, but I do love Gregorian chant!

March 11, 2007

Welcome to the Church of the Second Chance


Closing excerpt from today's Gospel reading:
And he told them this parable:
“There once was a person who had a fig tree planted in his orchard,
and when he came in search of fruit on it but found none,
he said to the gardener,
‘For three years now I have come in search of fruit on this fig tree
but have found none.
So cut it down.
Why should it exhaust the soil?’
He said to him in reply,
‘Sir, leave it for this year also,
and I shall cultivate the ground around it and fertilize it;
it may bear fruit in the future.
If not you can cut it down.’”


I am not a patient person. Most of us aren't. I have found that I have no more patience for people I love than I do for the coffee I'm reheating in the microwave — I want it to be to my liking RIGHT NOW. A minute-and-a-half is just too long. And in the case of relationships, the thought of hours, weeks, days, even years is a daunting one. But just when I am about to throw in the towel on a situation that I don't feel fulfilled by, I am moved by this reading to continue cultivating, and to reach down deep for more patience. This is clearly one of those timely gospel readings that addressed the exact problem that I've been struggling with -- and comes as an answer to a prayer to me this morning.
Our God is the God of the Second Chance, the Third Chance, even the Fourth Chance. Only when the tree does not bear any fruit after more fertilizer, more cultivation, will our God acquiesse and "cut it down." But I'm betting that even next year, when the tree still doesn't bear fruit, God as the gardener will put forth the same argument. There is still hope for this tree. We just need to work harder and be patient.
This is not to say that we should not have boundaries -- on the contrary. God will let nature take its course when it becomes more than obvious that the tree is barren. Perhaps God has a special relationship with the tree -- and knows that it wants to be cultivated, loved, fertilized — and to produce fruit. You can almost hear the tree in this reading saying "please don't give up on me yet."
So if you're asking for a second, third or fourth chance from me today, you're in luck. Let patience cultivate love and let the fruit of spring bloom new.

March 10, 2007

Stuck


Stuck in my head for the past 48 hours. Beautifully sums up all that I'm feeling right now.

Sleeps with Butterflies
~Tori Amos


Airplanes take you away again
are you flying above where we live
then I look up, a glare in my eyes
are you having regrets about last night
I'm not, but I like rivers that
rush in
so then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead for you, the acrobat?
I won't push you, unless you have a net

You say the word you know I will find you
or if you need some time I don't mind
I don't hold on to the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
but I believe I'm worth comin' home to
kiss away night
this girl only sleeps with butterflies
with butterflies
So go on and fly then, boy

Balloons look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
we may fall then stumble upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

You say the word you know I will find you
or if you need some time I don't mind
I don't hold onto the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
but I believe I'm worth comin' home to
kiss her, waiting by this girl
this girl

You say the word you know I will find you
or if you need some time I don't mind
I don't hold onto the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
but I believe I'm worth comin' home to
kiss away night
this girl only sleeps with butterflies
with butterflies
with butterflies
So go on and fly boy

March 08, 2007

Happy International Women's Day


So, today is Int'l Women's Day -- a holiday that goes sadly uncelebrated by most of the planet's women. But not in my office. My office is mostly women, with a few men thrown in for good measure, and they brought us truffles, bread and roses today to honor us. Someone found a copy of Judy Collins' Bread and Roses and I am suprised to admit that I had never heard the tune. It brought a tear to my eye. So let me take this opportunity to say a big 'Thank You' to all of the incredible women in my life! You all make each day worth getting up for, and you continue to inspire me with your wisdom and grace.
So, I'm stuffed full of truffles and bread. Any of you fine women care to share a glass of wine tonight?