November 01, 2007

Grey room

I hate to start off NaBloPoMo in such a grumpy mood, but I can assume that if you know me or regularly read my blog, you already know how moody I am. As I lay in bed last night I mapped out what I wanted to write about today, and for the life of me, I can't remember what it was that had me so inspired. All I know is that right now, I'm on the verge of making several enteries here that will assure everyone that I've totally lost it. Civility seems higly overrated today.
I find myself in familiar territory — expected to be the strong one with solutions to problems — but all I really want today is to fall back into strong arms and be held while I cry. I realized that I have to be that person for myself — be very gentle and loving with myself, stay firm in my boundaries when I'm feeling unsafe, and allow myself to be open to whatever comfort the Universe can provide for me. Sometimes all you've got is your pillow and a small window for grace to swoop in and save the day. I'll be listening to sad songs and choking back the tears while I'm at work today until she appears. I hope she doesn't let me down.

1 comment:

vegan.mama said...

I think you already know this, but... more will be revealed. It's never easy to sit in uncertainty, but sometimes that's all that's left to do. Sigh. I'm glad that your bad days and mine rarely occur me up if you need a shoulder.